A 19-year-old's musings

I have no idea what I am doing here. It may just be a way of expressing my true self. Welcome to my sanctuary.

I want him so much that I don’t even dare to dream

Years ago, when I was just a child among others, I prayed that I would find someone that I could truly love. I wanted to know what it was like to love everything about someone, to cherish and appreciate them for their true self, to see the good in them even when they showed their worst. And God listened to me and two years ago brought such a person in my life. We have become so close, I am his support and help through it all, I am his sister, his mother, his protector, his lover, his closest friend. I want nothing but the best for him and everyday I see his beauty, even when he sees none of it. I love him in the purest, truest form and in a year, he might be gone. I want to spend my life with him, but if that’s not possible, I want him to be as happy as possible. I want him so much that I don’t even dare to dream. I never allow myself to dream about him and a possible future, but tonight is one of the extremely rare nights that I let myself get carried away. It’s agony and bliss at the same time, because he exists and he is here but he is not mine. But tomorrow will be better, my heart will calm and bury all of this somewhere deep, in a safe place.

"As I was writing the letter to tell you good-bye; I wanted you to know how sad I was that we were going our separate ways. By the time I had finished, the tears on my letter had smeared all the words I had written. As I was about to throw the letter away and start another, I realized that there was nothing I could write that would explain how I felt any better, than the tears on my letter had said."

- (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

(Source: williamchapmanwritings, via -overkill)

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